My Feelings Are Mine

Core Idea

Your feelings belong to you — nobody else gets to tell you that you should not feel the way you feel. If someone says 'Don't be sad' or 'There's nothing to be scared of,' it does not make the feeling go away. Your feelings are real and important, even if someone else does not understand them.

How It's Best Learned

Practice responding to phrases like 'Don't cry' or 'You shouldn't be angry' by saying 'My feelings are real, even if you see things differently.' Discuss times when someone did not understand your feeling and how that felt. Create a class poster: 'Everyone's feelings are real and important.'

Common Misconceptions

• Thinking that if someone tells you not to feel something, you should be able to stop feeling it; feelings do not work that way.
• Believing that your feelings are wrong if other people do not share them; you can feel differently from others and still be right about your own experience.
• Assuming that owning your feelings means acting on every feeling; you can honor your feelings while still choosing wise actions.

Explainer

Your feelings belong to you, and nobody gets to tell you not to feel them. Sometimes a grown-up or friend says things like "Do not be sad" or "You should not be scared" or "There is nothing to be angry about." But here is the truth: saying these things does not make the feeling go away. Your feelings do not disappear just because someone tells you they should not exist. Your feelings are real.

One important thing to understand is that you can feel different from other people, and you can still be right about your feelings. Your best friend might not be scared of the dark, but YOU are scared of the dark. Your brother might not feel sad when he leaves home, but YOU feel sad. You might feel excited about something your cousin is not excited about. All of these different feelings are okay. Your feelings are real even if someone else does not share them.

Here is something that might surprise you: owning your feelings does NOT mean you have to act on every one of them. You can feel angry and still choose not to hit. You can feel scared and still choose to try something new. You can feel like you want to yell and still choose to use your quiet voice. Your feelings are real and important — but you also get to make choices about what you do with them.

Stand up for your own experience. If someone says "You should not feel that way," you can gently say "My feelings are real, even if you see things differently." Practice believing in your own feelings. Nobody knows your insides like you do. Nobody feels what you feel. Your feelings belong to you and only to you.

Your feelings are important, and they matter. They tell you when something is wrong, when something is wonderful, when you need help, when you are being brave. Trust your feelings. Speak up about them. Let trusted grown-ups know when you are having big feelings. Your feelings deserve to be heard.