It Is OK to Feel Your Feelings

Core Idea

There are no bad feelings. Every feeling — happy, sad, angry, scared — is a normal part of being a person. You do not get in trouble for having a feeling. What matters is what you do with the feeling, not that you have it.

How It's Best Learned

Read books where characters experience a range of emotions and emphasize that all feelings are OK. Create a classroom agreement that says 'All feelings are welcome here.' When a child says 'I shouldn't feel this way,' gently correct by saying 'That feeling makes sense — let's talk about it.'

Common Misconceptions

• Thinking some feelings are bad and you should not have them; all feelings are normal and serve a purpose.
• Believing that feeling angry means you will do something hurtful; you can feel angry without acting on it in a harmful way.
• Assuming that if you ignore a feeling, it will go away; feelings often get bigger when you try to push them down.

Explainer

Here is something very important: there are no bad feelings. Every feeling — happy, sad, angry, scared, surprised — is normal and okay. You will never get in trouble for having a feeling. Having a feeling does not make you bad or wrong. What matters is not that you have the feeling, but what you do with it.

Sometimes grown-ups say things like "Do not be sad" or "Do not be angry," but that is not helpful. You cannot just stop feeling a feeling because someone tells you to. Feelings come from inside you, and they are real. If you are sad, you are sad. If you are angry, you are angry. And that is okay.

Here is a really important truth: feeling angry does NOT mean you will do something hurtful. You can feel angry inside AND still choose to be kind and safe. Feeling a feeling is one thing. Doing something because of that feeling is another thing. You can feel angry and squeeze a stress ball instead of hitting. You can feel sad and cry instead of throwing things. The feeling is okay — it is what you choose to DO with the feeling that matters.

Another thing to remember: do not try to ignore your feelings. When you ignore a feeling or try to push it way down inside, it often gets bigger and stronger instead of smaller. It is better to notice the feeling, maybe talk about it with someone you trust, or do something safe to help it come out. Then it can get smaller.

All of your feelings are welcome and important. They are part of who you are. When you have a big feeling, be gentle with yourself and talk to a grown-up who loves you. Your feelings make sense, and you are safe.